The Rulez 2 Speaking Goode

First, let me preface this short blogpost by saying that, up until sixish years ago, I used to struggle to be sure which your/you’re warranted an apostrophe. Even now, I have to break up the contraction if I’m to feel completely at ease. Occasionally, someone will comment on a picture on Facebook, and because I also commented – six years ago – I receive a notification. Of course I’m curious, so I click the link, and there, for all THE WORLD to see, is my comment punctuated (pun intended) with errors. For half a second I consider leaving it be. Then I click the edit button, and finally, phew, I can breathe again.

Second, if I were to rate myself on a scale from one to ten, one being you are completely illiterate, ten being Grammar Girl and Dictionary.com follow you on Twitter, I would put myself at around . . . seven point four. (The point four because, thanks to a nifty-rifty trick, I recently learned how to use whom correctly, like, eighty percent of the time – WUT!?)

And third: due to the nature of this subject, I have second guessed and overthought every sentence I’ve written, paying painstakingly close attention to every single letter, wanting to be super-extra-positive sure that it contains ZERO errors. Which means, there’s probably a bunch.

So sue me, whydon’tcha.

All of this to say, if you happen to have a rap sheet chockfull of wordcrimes, it’s OK. At one time or another, we have all felt the dripping cold chill of realizing, yes, absolutely: you should have remembered of never follows could, should, or would. But hey, you see this right here (                           ) ?It’s a safe space, and you and I are in it.

So sit back, relax, and let Weird Al take you’re your Wednesday up a notch!

April Fool’s Erasure Poetry

You will never believe it!!! Last night I was visited by a benevolent ogre who turned out to be a distant uncle on my father’s side (twice removed) and he bequeathed me a BILLION dollars, so Michael, Bella and I are moving to our own island in Figi! WOOOOO!

Eh? Didn’t fool you? Oh, you’re too smart. ;-)

 

erasure

April 1st marks the beginning of National Poetry Month, and in the spirit of April Fool’s Day, Silver Birch Press opened their arms for submissions. But not just any submissions. Have you ever heard of Erasure Poetry? I had not until I came across their blog. It’s an interesting concept in which certain words are blacked out or otherwise obscured in order to create a new piece of poetry. Whatever is not blacked out is the poem. I’m in between novels at the moment and thought this the perfect project (distraction) for the day.

These were the requirements:

- interpret “April Fool’s Day” as you will: humor, trickery, thoughts on the day. Then, using a book of your choice, locate page 41 to create an erasure poem.

As a prompt, here are definitions of “fool”:

Noun: A person who acts unwisely; a silly person.

Verb: Trick or deceive.

Adjective: Foolish or silly.

So. Let me just tell you . . . it was WAY harder than it sounded. I admit to initially sort of smirking at the task, thinking Oh yeah, I can do this. Gonna write me the best erasure poem there ever was. (Six hours laterI spent the entire day absorbed in this task; and that was simply creating the poem within the poem. Editing it took another 3 days, a LOT of photocopies, a few choice words, and a tremendously steady hand. I’m convinced I missed my calling as a brain surgeon. Can’t teach that. No, not really. Because I’m pretty sure they expect you to pass Algebra before they let touch brains, and personally I would rather metaphorically mess with people’s heads. Gently, of course. But it IS good thing I wasn’t weaning off coffee that week. Blacking out the words was time consuming and extremely tedious, but after all was said and done, I had some poems I liked. AND — I received word this morning that my poem made it in to the line up! They chose the one I liked least, but that’s okay. I’m honored they selected it. Thank you, Silver Birch Press!

If you’d like to read my poem, as well as some other incredibly lovely and creative pieces, then I’ve left you the link there at the bottom.

Misdirection

 

Happy April Fool’s Day, everyone! Stay silly!

 

~ Cara

 

 

 

Beach Cities Challenge!!! . . and the Superbowl

Oh my, I haven’t quite woken up yet. Have you? I’m steadfastly raising the rim of the coffee mug toward my lips and swallowing its sumptuous liquid, but I’m afraid nothing’s happening. It tastes good, though. And that’s enough when you’re as close as my mug and me are. We’re best friends. No, really, we are. Look.

coffee

 

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Chocolate

Hi,

My name is Cara and I’m a chocoholic.

It’s true. Unless something is terribly, dastardly, unutterably wrong, there is not a day that goes by in which I do not feed myself chocolate. Coffee and Chocolate: those would be my “If you were stranded on a deserted island and could only have two . . .” But I think I would probably beg for three and add pizza; and ranch dressing. For what good is pizza without cold, creamy ranch dressing drizzled over the melting cheese?

Hm . . . ten o’clock, huh? Too early for pizza, you think?

No. Chocolate. I’m here to discuss chocolate.

In my drawer there are Andes Mints. In my basket on the shelf there are Cookies & Cream Bites. In the mason jar on my desk there are Hershey’s Mint Chocolate Kisses and New York Peppermint Patties. And in the kitchen on the ledge there is a decanter filled with Dove Squares. While I still can’t figure out how to get the gingerbread to set on the bricks, I’m in pretty good shape over here. Well stocked, you could say. So, if ever you should find yourself in a bind, frantic and chocolateless, you just come right on over to Cara’s, and we’ll fix you right up.

Below is a plethora of extensive information geared toward the benefits of consuming a small amount of chocolate daily. There’s plenty of corroborated facts and doctory research, and it would certainly behoove you to go over it if you have some time. However, I personally think you’re good if you only read the next four sentences.

.

.

.

chocolate

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Then again . . .

Answer me this:

Have you ever been laying in bed on a morning when you don’t have anywhere to be or anything in particular to do, and just as you decide you might actually get up, begin lifting your cheek away from the pillow, this unexpected wave of lethargy clobbers you over the head, and you realize you’ve made a terrifically awful decision and there’s really only one thing you can do?

abort

Yes. Well sometimes writing is also like this. Today I had the pleasure of both!

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