An Uncomfortable Character

The problem:

Lately I’ve been somewhat of a sourpuss. Fine! Have it your way, then; I’ve been an utterly petulantly, self-indulgently moody sourpuss.

You will remember my ankle, perhaps? I sprained one of the tendons that run along the top of the foot. Who knew an injury would alter and augment my cheerful disposition to this degree. Pain, I suppose, will do that to you. And not just pain, but inconveniencing pain. Not only does it take me three times as long to get anywhere, but my workouts — my nightly, sanity reviving workouts, freeing this writer of a day copious with discouragement and defeat — are devoid of all the exercises that raise my heart-rate, which in turn make me sweat, which in turn release those delightful little endorphins that so obligingly bring me happiness. Well, I can’t have that, can I? So, I decided to just do them anyway. This is where I tell you I injured my ankle over 2 weeks ago and the swelling has NOT gone down. Hm . . . why ever could that be?

Moron.

I’ve cried more this week than I have in the past 3 months. It hurts — all the time. The effect is maddening. There is no question as to why torturing people with physical pain is the most effective means of returning the desired result. You just want it to stop! You’ll do anything to make is stop hurting; down a bottle of Ibuprofen, drink a bottle of whisky, bludgeon yourself repeatedly over the head with your sweet Chihuahua (Breathe — Bella is just fine, I assure you).

Now I suppose there are those Jason Statham, Daniel Craig, Demi Moore personality types with very high thresholds, able to endure longer and more than the rest of us weaklings. Let me be clear: I am not one of them. A Pansy is not only a flower, it is also Cara when she hurts herself.

What I find most disconcerting is that there is no room for other thoughts, people, events when my head is crowded with pain. Have you noticed this in your life? I can think only of the present and nothing beyond. This is a problem.

The truth:

Being in a constant state of discomfort and torpor takes a toll one’s happiness, purloining joy and erasing all sense of gratitude. I just want to feel better. This is my prayer, my plea; I cry out for relief from this affliction. Heal me, Father! I imagine Him up there, a loving smile of tolerant affection on His face.

God: “Stop doing everything you shouldn’t be doing, and you will heal, Cara.”

Cara: “But I don’t want to.”

God: “Then change either your perspective or your behavior.”

Cara: “Well, thank you, but no thank you. What else can you offer me?”

God: “A grumpy heart.”

Cara: “No! I will not have a grumpy heart! No! You can’t make– Oh . . . I see what you did there.”

And so putting my will above His, I shall remain malcontent, my eudomonia a thing I remember with wistful longing.

Adding to my dilemma is one more thing. There is always “one more thing”, isn’t there? Because I uphold my craft from the comfort of my bed, my bed is no longer comfortable. Let me explain: I sit on my tailbone for upwards of 8-10 hours a day. And while I do get up and roam around from time to time — it’s a good thing I have to eat and um . . . because I would likely never move –, the lack in movement and the constancy of pressure on one area for such a long period of time has rendered that posture excruciating. Picture a piece of furniture and the process of distressing it, revealing that under-layer of denuded raw wood. Do this, and you will have conjured my sad little butt-bones.

Sad bones ——->     <——– Sad bones

The question:

So what do I do? Be miserable for the next two+ plus while I heal? I refuse.

The plan:

I have to change, even if it’s only temporary; the things that brought me happiness must cease for a time and I must replace them with new joys. The choice is mine. Will you pray for me, please? It won’t be easy. I’m a child of emotion. Feelings make sense because they are obvious, needing no one or nothing to discern them. What I need is a logic. I need to be wiser and stronger than my immediate and temporary problem. And maybe just a little change in perspective, too. Maybe slowing down doesn’t have to be a bad thing. What conversations and sights might I see that I may never have had in my hurried state?

I needed a brace, but first I needed a pair of shoes that would accommodate a little extra width. Come on, admit it; I look pretty bad-a$$, right? Like maybe I’m a professional soccer player who took a fall making “the” most incredible shot, consequently winning the game. Or maybe . . . maybe I’m a police officer or fire-woman, and I was wounded in the line of duty! Actually, I have a funny story; another post . . .

I had to move out of my bed and over to my desk when writing. It’s not nearly as comfortable, but look at this picture I snapped. Precious baby.

Your comfort will never be more important than your character. And your character can only be tested in times of struggle and loss.

Blessings, my friends!!

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100 thoughts on “An Uncomfortable Character

  1. This piece may very well be born of pain, but it also may be one of the best pieces you ever wrote. Keep the foot elevated. Now, how you are going to manage that sitting at a desk ought to be interesting.

  2. I’d be moaning and crying too. I just don’t have a high tolerance for pain. I have no remedies to offer you, unfortunately. Massages would be cool but I don’t think you want to get them from Jueseppi. I think a nice roll of duct tape is in order for him.

    • LOL!! Okay, Totsy, I actually just laughed out loud: “. . . but I don’t think you want to get them from Jueseppi.”

      Thank you for the commiseration. Sometimes that’s all anyone really wants 🙂

      *Still laughing*

  3. OK, a few things
    1. There are so many exercises that will get you sweaty without needing to be on your feet, nasty little things involving being on your knees and elbows. You can also use many weights with your ankle…so give the ankle a rest
    2. did you go to the doctor? did I miss this?
    3 my eudomonia a thing I remember with wistful longing – eudemonia was the word of the day on my dictionary.com APP…I think someone else has that app as well 🙂
    Get better and take some pictures and edit them. I want to see some of your stuff in your life. I want to see a Cara post in a George vein..

  4. I’m sorry to laugh at your pain but I can’t help it. That is the funniest, most heart-felt post I’ve read today!. You poor, poor baby.

    Keep your foot elevated. Get a butt pillow to help with the tailbone (I have one. You wanna borrow it? Hee hee)

    Be good to yourself and take it easy. I’ll quit laughing now.

    • Please laugh! I aim to bring humor to otherwise humorless situations 🙂 It’s the only way NOT to cry about them!

      Yes, yes, all of the above, will do! Is this a special butt-pillow??! I’ve been shoving a memory-foam one under there, but (pun intended) if there is one they make specifically for weak tailbones, I am ALL over it! Or . . . on top of it. You know what I mean.

      Lastly, keep laughing; you have my permission. 🙂

      • google Cosix pillows. Get a nice one, not a cheap one. I sprained my tailbone a couple of years ago and I bought a couple of these, one for the car and one for home. It took a long time for the tailbone to heal (they always do), but the pillows helped a lot! Recover soon. Pain is not a fun thing to deal with.

  5. I’m so sorry you’re in pain, Cara. But I do agree with several of the comments so far, this is such a funny and well written piece. And please, please don’t bludgeon yourself over the head with your sweet chihuahua!

  6. two things i hate: when my mobility is limited and when others have to do/get things for me. i hate knowing that i’m imposing on others when i’m stuck on a couch or bed or chair. and i hate having to limp around or use one arm or something.

    i have this stupid philosophy that might be similar to yours. i have this bad idea that the more i do the regular things i usually do, the faster i will heal. i feel that if i keep going, my body will get the idea that i’m not stopping so it better keep up.

    yeah dumb. i know.

  7. Aw, look at little Worm! I could just kiss her sweet face. The “it’s all good” whether intended or not really says it all. Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

    Yep, it’s all good. Praying for you daily!

    ((hugs))

    Lori

    • I know . . . She is too darn cute for MY own good 🙂

      My favorite cup, Lori; I look at it every morning and remind myself that it truly is “all good”. Thank you for the scripture. Sometimes it’s just the thing I need to put my situation into perspective.

      Hugs right back at ya!

  8. Heal quickly, my friend. Your ankle may be a literal pain in the butt, but you put your angst-recovery-stupid moves-smart moves-angst (and repeat) out there with good humor.

    In re: Brains. He is NOT the pansy my husband is when he’s sick. When he (hubster) had knee replacement surgery, I gave him a dang bell to ring when he wanted something. NOT a wise choice.

    You could entertain and comfort yourself with a double-duty whoopee cushion. Think of the post-recovery possibilities. Take it to a tea room. Take a video. There’s candid camera fodder there.

    Feet elevated. Ice packs. Whoopee cushion. Be HEALED!

    • Thank you, dear lady. Hoping to heal quickly, but hoping even more that I grow as a person through this trial.

      LOL — I wonder if Rich is married; this could essentially be why he behaves the way he does. Men “put it on” when they know thy have a nurturing woman to make it all better for them.

      Looking forward to some great eating this week and time off with my husband over his Spring Break. Whoopeee! Not a cushion, but close enough 😉

  9. Cara! You are not like me, I hope, and wait until an injury is out of control before you see a doctor! Pain can be a personality changer….although from what I read you are as delightful as ever. I think anti-inflammatories work. I also think a whiskey might work too. Unfortunately you can’t take them together!!

    Hang in there and keep writing!!

    elisa

    • LOL! You know, I never got into S&TC — I didn’t have that channel –, but I can remember seeing promos with her lounging in her bed, clicking away on the laptop. It does seem like the dream . . .

  10. Cara: Things to note, we have the same shoes (but mine are grey and pink) and we have the same mouse! WHo does not love a little pink in their life right?

    I am sorry you hurt your ankle, but not really sorry that it still hurts since you do not use the common sense God gave you. HAHAHA. Ya big nut!

    I do u nderstand the tailbone issue. Have you ever thought about sitting on an excersie ball? I did it when I lived in MN and it was so fun. I got to bounce a little when I was board. I rolled around a bit. It was fun. I can’t do it here because I am on a contamination site and my ball can’t be roling around on the floor. BUT it is fun and something to look into.. if ya wanted.

    Hope you feel better silly girl!

    • Ha! Well what do you know! We’ve got some twinsy-stuff going on :0) Yes, pink, in moderation, is quite a lot of fun.

      The exercise ball; that’s actually not a bad idea at all! I’ll look into it. I smiled picturing you rolling around on a big, giant ball. That must have been a sight to see!

      Thanks!

  11. I am sorry that you are having pain my friend. I am sending my love and prayers your way right now! I completely understand how it consumes your every thought. It is hard to think about much else when you have pain! Funny thing though, prayer does work and you do have the right attitude! Keep on keeping on sweet girl!

    • Such a blessing to wake up to a comment like this . . . I picture you with a heart made of sugar-cookie batter 🙂 You are so sweet to affirm me in my state of distress and encourage me with prayer. I am thankful to know you!

      • I am thankful to know you too! I have sent out prayers for you and I know you are truly blessed and I will continue to pray for you. Feel better sweet girl!

      • I feel that prayer, honestly I do. I feel more uplifted this morning than I have all week. Thank you, from both the top and bottom of my heart 🙂

  12. I am laughing so hard my eyes are tearing! Cara, reading your verbal bantering with Blissful Adventurer was almost as wonderful as your post! You are definitely two of my favorite bloggers. Wishing you good health and less pain!

    • LOL! I knew the moment he and I started talking a month or so ago that the two of us equaled trouble 🙂 We’ll have to include him on this wonderful accolade you’ve given us; Michael Housewright adores a compliment almost as much as he loves Italy.

      So glad we could off you a morning laugh 🙂

      • Wow! I will try not to let this deter me from entering into a terrible state of performance anxiety; I can’t say the same about Michael, however . . . 😉

      • You did it again! Sitting at my computer laughing! How did you make the wink emoticon? I always wondered how to do that. Another tidbit about me… technically challenged. 🙂

      • Ha! I am striking gold with you! 😉 <—- This is done by using a semi-colon and one of the parentheses.
        Oh, me, too! What I do know, has been taught to me by my husband. And re-taught when I forgot!

      • Karista is likely the best reader I could hope for in my world of strange and exciting stories. Now that we are all bantering about we should make a virtual run up to Seattle for the end of oyster season and some lovely dark brew 🙂
        You ladies both make my day very often and I do love having my day made almost as much as my dishes washed….OH if Juliet reads this I am TOAST!!

  13. Ecclesiasties 3:

    1 There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:
    2 a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
    3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
    4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
    5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
    6 a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
    7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
    8 a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

    Sorry, girl, but it’s your time to heal and mend. I know it sucks, but it’s only for a time and your time to run and romp will be back again soon. Praying for a awift recovery!

    • Thank you for sending scripture my way, Christy. Nothing more powerful than truth breathed from His mouth. I know this . . . I don’t want to know this, but I do. I am putting aside fears of gaining weight and losing flexibility, and trying to focus on simply healing.
      Xoxoxo

      • As someone who’s been there – injured when I first started to get into running – believe me, I know your worry. There’s nothing more frustrating than your body not being able to do what you know it can do. But don’t worry, in a few weeks you won’t go back to what you were before. A few pounds come back off, flexibility comes back. I’ll be praying for your healing and patience. 🙂

  14. I very much feel with you, but also enjoyed reading your piece (and had a good laugh all the way to the end I have to admit). Not because of your pain, but the way you described it and the whole incident. And – if I may – look at the bright side: You say that the pain make you think only of the present and nothing beyond. Living in the present is what is suppose to be the utmost happiness, no? I know, sorry for amusing myself on your behalf. I truly hope you will soon be better. May you soon be back jumping on the ankle. All the best wishes.

    • Thank you, Munchow 🙂 And as I have already mentioned numerously with unrestrained alacrity, I am thrilled you received a laugh — even if it was at my expense 😉

      Yes, your “bright side” is quite apt in this case. To live presently is what I, as a christian, strive for; however, the disconnect is when that state of “being present” results in nothing more than indulgent self-pity and the inability to look beyond present circumstances.

      2 Cor: 4:17 ~ “For these light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen will never fall away.”

      Thank you for your well-wishes, my friend 🙂 I too hope to be doing squats, lunges, and jumping jacks soon enough!

      • I think your “being present” results in more than self-pity. What about self-irony? I like your quote – what is unseen will never fall away. So true. Good luck with the squats, lunges, and jumping jacks.

  15. Thank you for this – you totally cracked me up! 🙂 And the drawing of your sad bones is just so cute! I’m sorry to hear about your foot, and I hope you get better soon. In the meantime, continue to stay positive. You are definitely a light that is shining bright 🙂

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