I Love You

My faith; of all my possessions, none hold more value to me than this. It is sustenance, accommodation, and livelihood.  As a challenge to myself, I don’t often speak directly about my beliefs or the One in which I have devoted my life to following; not because I am ashamed to say so, but because it is my understanding, that if I am being who I am supposed to be, than the need for me to tell others I am a Christian is superfluous. Do I need to tell you I have peach skin, or green eyes, or auburn hair? Of course not. And so my faith should be as evident as the most prominent features — more so! — on my face. However, with tomorrow being Easter, a day in which holds fervent meaning to me, I wanted to take a moment to acknowledge Him. To proclaim boldly that yes, I love you Jesus.

I love you with all my heart.

Tomorrow is the Sabbath. For some, this means a long laundry list of “Dos and Don’ts”, for me, it simply means that I will Rest, that I will spend the day with those I love most, but most importantly, remembering Who loves me most, and how He showed that love by laying down His blameless life to die brutally upon a cross.

Even now, as intoxicating scents waft down the corridor of my home, beckoning me into the kitchen where Michael prepares the feast in which we will happily partake, I am tempted toward distraction. Hulking wedges of frosted cake, tender chunks of sautéed tri-tip, ice-cold beer a bottle opener away from relaxation. Sadly, my stomach is often the mentor, when it should always remain the mentee. . . Though it will not come without its challenges, I will do my best to remember that tomorrow is not about the food. It is not about a bunny, either. It is not even about going to church.

It is simply about Him.

“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” ~ Galatians 2:20

The Son shall rise.

Happy Easter, my friends. I pray you are able to spend the day with those beloved.

Love, Cara

Nighttime

Good morning,

It is nearing two a.m. here in sleepy Southern California; however, sleep refuses to have me, or even make a quick acquaintance. I’ve supplicated to its mercy, and scorned its cruelty, neither of which has done me much good — obviously. My mind is restless. I was an insomniac for over 10 years, during which I received treatment in all its varying forms.

There was psychotherapy, of course, where a man I hardly knew postulated to understand the first, last, and middle things about what might keep someone such as myself awake at night. I permitted him three sessions before I declined further services. And then there was medication, the strong stuff. This did me well, sending me into a spasming state of delirium approximately fifteen minutes after released into my blood-stream.

Today I am proud to say I am drug-free, sleeping most nights without the aid of muscle-relaxers and inhibitory medications. This process of weaning, while painful, is one of my greatest achievements in life. If you’ve ever experienced a night without sleep, quadruple that feeling, then once more, and you will have the longest I ever manged to go without sleep. 8 days. There is no cure for insomnia, only trial by error, and infinite faith that sleep. will. come. Most nights I do quite well, but occasionally I must endure; a reminder of the pain that once was, and how grateful I am to have long-since bid adieu. Tonight, though, is one such night, where instead of bidding adieu, I am paying my dues; so I must write. These words in their disparity dance in my head, telling me not what they are, but only that I must put them on the page. This poem will feel like a spill, I should think; an outpouring that I pray will deliver me into slumber’s care shortly after I finish.

I do this now, and thank you kindly for being the ear to validate my restive state.

Hiding Places

Continue reading